Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Hummingbird Rescue

Bobby brought home two hummingbirds in a nest that was cut down on a job site. For eight days we tended to these tiny creatures. Did you know hummingbird babies need to eat every 20-30 minutes? Did you know they need more than just nectar? Did you know if they are not given the right diet, they can go cripple and never fly? Did you know Yuma has a hummingbird garden?

Tending to the baby birds was fun and cute at first. After eight days of constantly feeding and worrying about these helpless babies, I decided I had done the best I could, and it was time to let the birds go to where they could receive the best care. This was hard. I felt a little like a failure. I felt sad. Defeated. I wanted to be the mother to two little cuties and become the most amazing hummingbird whisperer on YouTube, but I knew I was not the ideal situation for the birds.

Then it hit me; this little situation I had myself in paralleled my childhood a bit.

Again, I know I haven't written much about my childhood, and I keep saying I will...and I will one day. It's in the works, but it needs to be just right.

I don't know if my birth mother reads this blog anymore. I heard she used to.

For thirty something years, I have struggled with feeling of inadequecy and inferiority. It's something I work on every single day even now. When I was first adopted at almost seven years old, I felt excited and so loved by my new family, and that was enough. As I grew into a teenager and started thinking a little deeper about life, I decided my birth parents didn't want me or love me enough to keep me around. I felt unlovable. Unwanted. Abandoned. Different. I mean, if your own blood can't love you then who can, right? When I became a mother myself, these feeling increased. After carrying and birthing a child, how can you let it go?

Well, these miniature birds answered these questions for me.

I know, I know...Ridiculous. Two little birds taught some major life lesson? It's true.

My birth parents did love me. They did the best they could. It took them a while to realize, they weren't the best fit for me. I needed more than they could provide. They loved me enough to let me go. They were smart enough to see it. I know it was not easy for them. It was without a doubt, the hardest decision they ever made, I'm sure. They may even regret their decision sometimes, but they know it was the best choice for six year old me.

Angie, if you are reading this, I thank you everyday for letting me go and giving me a greater chance at life. I love my life. I have you to thank for much of it. Thank you. I love you.


Terri said...

Beautiful thoughts and we all love you!

Grandma said...

Sabra I think you are awesome!

Sarah Blue said...

You're fantastic!

Brittany Garner said...

Sabra, I always love reading what you write. It is very inspirational. I also love reading or hearing anything youhave to share about your childhood because I want to give our little guy the best chance at being able to feel loved and special. I want him to know that our family is where he is meant to be, but that he just had to take a different road to get here.....anyway, thanks for sharing!

Wendy said...

You are my Hero.

Zack + Julie said...

Sabra - I just stumbled across your blog from another blog and read this and totally teared up. I hope my boys will be able to find that peace and knowledge about their adoptions as well. As we are going through the process again for number 3 we have been learning more about how adoption can create a loss and grief cycle that is hard to understand and heal from because it's not tied usually a specific event (like a death of a loved one for example). I'm so glad you shared this, I feel like I have a lot to learn so I can help guide my boys through it. Thanks again for sharing! ~Julie Smith