This year Thomas's birthday came and went. I avoided blogging or talking about it for several reasons.
One being that I'm almost out of pictures of him to post, and that brings me more sadness than I am ready for, so it's just easier to avoid.
Second reason is it seems as the years go by he is less and less remembered, and this year my girls asked what he looked like, and it hit me that they are losing the memories, as well. I tell myself that this is life and how the brain works, but as I struggle to hang on to his images in my mind I struggle at the same time to keep the tears at bay.
Third reason is that I have been feeling a little shorted lately. I am getting older. We have decided not to have anymore children, and because of this I guess I think/feel I was shorted one baby.
I know, I know he's in heaven waiting for me. I get that. That doesn't change the fact that he's not here and now. The human part of me struggles with these feelings. These silly mortal feelings. I know without a doubt this lifetime is just a drop in our eternal bucket of life. I know life goes on and on after this little, silly life. Now, if I can just convince this mere mortal/myself that there is a time and place for everything. There is a bigger plan than I am aware of. This too shall pass. It will all be worth it.
I guess I just had to write this post to remind myself.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Posted by Sabra at 10:33 AM